“A Journey Through Grief: Lessons Learned from Losing My Father” By Gabrielle Hayward-Johnson
- July 05, 2024
For those of you who do not know me, my name is Gabrielle Hayward-Johnson, and Chris Johnson was my father. My dad passed away from RMC in September 2012, just three weeks after my 6th birthday.
My grandmother, Ritchie, asked me to share with you about the impact my dad’s death has had on me – specifically, my personal journey of grief. I also want to share with you some lessons I’ve learned that may help others cope through their own grief.
As I said, I was only 6 years old when my dad passed away. Being so young, I couldn’t fully grasp the concept of death. I wasn’t even able to tie my own shoes. The idea that someone I loved could be there one moment and gone the next was beyond my understanding.
At first, I didn’t realize what “gone” truly meant. I kept expecting my dad to walk through the door, to hear his voice, to feel his hugs. I remember one time, trying to understand, I asked my mom if Daddy was on a long trip. It broke her heart to explain to me, again, that he wasn’t coming back. I couldn’t understand why I would never see him again or why I couldn’t hug him or taste his famous chicken wings again.
For a long time, I didn’t understand why my dad had to go away. I felt a deep sense of shame because he was gone. People told me it wasn’t my fault. They told me how much he loved me and that he didn’t want to go away. But I was uncertain if what they were telling me was the truth. I felt like the only child in the world without a dad. I didn’t want people to know my dad had died. I didn’t want to talk about it. I just wanted to ignore it and pretend it never happened. I didn’t want to be different. I was angry.
As I grew older, I began to understand more. I realized that my dad loved me deeply and didn’t want to leave me. His leaving wasn’t his fault, and it wasn’t my fault. Although he was still gone, there was comfort in knowing that he loved me as much as I loved him.
So what have I learned about coping with grief that enables me to keep moving forward and be optimistic about the future despite my grief?
Firstly, it’s all about time. Take your time because it takes time. The perception of time is not steady and constant. When you are young, an hour seems like an eternity. As you age, weeks and months seem to go by in the blink of an eye. When you are dealing with the loss of a loved one, time also seems to slow down, and the days blur together.
Take time away from your grief. Find something to distract yourself when you find yourself stuck in your grief and time is moving so slowly. Allow yourself to keep living. The grief will be there, but over time, if you allow it, the pain won’t hurt as much.
Secondly, find your purpose to keep moving forward. Being consumed by grief won’t bring your loved one back, and you still have a purpose for being on this Earth. In my case, I have my whole life ahead of me. Even if you are older, there are people who still need you. There are still things you can accomplish. Allow yourself to keep living.
Finally, spend time with those you love. Make sure they know how much you love them and how important they are in your life while you and they are still living. You don’t want any regrets or guilt because you held a grudge or spent your time criticizing and being angry with someone you loved. Because when they are gone, you cannot go back. You do not get a second chance.
I hope my experiences may be of use to some of you.
The Chris “CJ” Johnson Foundation Inc. thanks Gabrielle for sharing her compelling story and hope that her story will help other children that have experienced losing a parent. Gabrielle will be attending University of Pittsburg in the Fall to obtain her degree in “Neuroscience”.