December of 2022 Edward and I would spend 36 hours in the ER, only to get the devastating news of stage 4 kidney cancer that would later be identified as RMC. This life altering diagnosis brought life to a halt and shifted priorities. In May of 2023, I would start a new chapter in my life. I packed up all my belongings, my youngest daughter and dog and moved from Kansas to Missouri to eventually not only be Edward’s girlfriend but also become his cancer battle buddy, caretaker, and advocate while trying to blend our 2 families all in the midst of fighting RMC. On February 9th, 2024, my life changed forever. After a 13-month battle with RMC Edward Perkins, Sr. transitioned and left this earth. My heart was broken, and I was left with a huge hole in not only my heart but also my entire life. In the 6 years I have known Edward he was always a very optimistic but realistic person. He would never let life get him down no matter how hard or winding the road traveled was. Edward always loved traveling the country and making new memories while experiencing many firsts. His love and zest for life were always a steady reminder that life is precious and should be lived to the fullest. Edward never met a stranger, always had a joke on his lips, and gave some of the best nonjudgmental advice many of us have ever received in life. I remember when my mother passed in 2021, he made sure I got back on my feet and remembered what it meant to live life. At the time I did not understand that what he brought to my life would help me later survive what I can now only describe as the darkest and most painful days and months of my life. After Edwards passed, my hands felt empty. I went from being a caretaker 24/7 to now being alone with all this pain and idle hands. When you take care of someone around the clock, and they transition, it feels empty,and often isolating. I could not see the direction I was headed in with this next chapter in life. In those moments no one truly could understand the detriment of Edwards loss and its effects on me, not even myself. Little did I know that Edward’s optimism and realistic love for life would just 7 months later lead me to the doorsteps of a Hospice Social work position. Hospice is often seen as a very last but scary option for individuals facing terminal illnesses with no cure. In fact, hospice is not the last option but instead should be seen as a way to give individuals in transition not only the utmost comfort but also compassionate care and a very strong support system for both the patient and the caregivers and their family. Hospice is not only for the patient; it includes their entire world and addresses every aspect. This way individuals facing the hardest battle of their lives are not fighting alone but instead are well prepared, taken care of and able to feel like their life is still in their hands. Final moments in life should not be about pain and suffering but instead of peace and comfort. Hospice for me became a safe place, and I found my calling. Living through a terminal illness and supporting Edward, now has given me the clarity and understanding compassion as well as it takes to be a hospice social worker. While I am no longer in the hospice role, I am still in the social work field. I am currently working on my certification as an Advanced Grief Counseling Specialist. Edward’s battle has made me realize that everyone needs a safe space and support in their life to process their grief, loss, and pain in their own unique way. While grief and loss look different for everyone, I want to bring light and safety to those dark and heart-breaking moments where so many feel alone. Somedays I do it with laughter others I do it with just being a supportive presence in the room. While Edward could not walk this earth till we find a cure for RMC, I am now able to carry on his legacy and his love and zest for life by walking side by side and offering a safe space to others facing similar life altering and painful battles.
